Breakage

So I must blog and complain that I have had my 1521 Dell laptop for less than a year and it has decided to crash again, second time since July. Problem with Dell is they have no stores like Apple/Mac does and I must wait 20 minutes on the phone to get a Indian person who's English it not so grand and who I can hardly understand.
This is very aggravating!

I have a full warranty which means they owe me a brand new laptop restored with my data, but alas that would leave me without a laptop for god knows how long (I must ship it to India). I simply cannot wait for that! I feel ridiculous using the computer lab in my residence hall.

I have a long list of complaints for Dell Computers, but at this moment I do not have time to talk on the phone for three hours. I think I will drive myself to BestBuy and have the GeekSquad look at it. At this point I am willing to pay good money for my laptop to stop crashing. I do not overload it with data and it does not have viruses nor do I install strange documents.


*Fumes*

Peace

And tonight in silence, two lovers hate and find
One is bored

One is angry

But neither one of them is right, oh

And so I look for peace in the wrong places, crowds of drunk pigs rubbing against each other looking for the thrill of a quick sack session. I know where I should be and I know where the answers are but I keep running from them. Is it from fear or the thrill of being caught? Why doesn't he suspect? Is because he is so loyal, while I am not?

I know,

but I choose not to go where those answers are.

I keep running away.

Until you let go, I'll continue on the path of sin you hate so much, the more you hate what I do the farther I'll go.

I want to tell you to let go, but I know when you do, I'll fall and your the only one that would pick me up in the state I am.

[ Awesome video that even I can't help but get emotional about: Lifehouse]

Slow down Girl

Why is is so difficult some days to be a girl?

I know so many people say, but you don't have to do this or that, just be yourself.



Easier said than done.



God forbid if I walk out of the house without one or two layers of make up and long lashes, but not too much or I may be looking too "whore-ish" or "slutty." Then to decide on what to wear, if I go too black, I'm depressed, too light and I'm giddy, too "comfy" and I'm a fat lazy cow and too tight I'm a damn hooker. Seriously what is wrong with the world? If I gain too much weight, I've gone obese, too skinny and your anorexic, but average is too plain. o.O Huh? If your hair isn't lush and bouncy with curls or straight and light, you've better make it that way; adding at least thirty minutes to your prep time. The air around you must linger of a perfume, alluring men to see what that sweet scent is, otherwise you've apparently failed the hygiene test. The legs must be silky smooth, as the rest of your body, hairless and beautifully moisturized.

Ridiculous!

Utterly painful to be a girl. Throughout my short life I've picked up on these rules and then some, how tragic and shocking is this to a girl? Not very. Why? Because you've simple been expected and told of these rules and take them as "NORMAL."



I'm sure the male side has their problems too, but I truly believe aesthetically it's so much harder to be a girl.

I AM.

I am an American Solider.

My brother graduated on Friday from Fort Sill, Oklahoma.

I have never been more proud in my life of his final accomplishment.

Remembrance

Today was supposed to be a day of remembrance of what happened 7 years ago, but did I feel a thing? No, that is until I was required to go to a program one of the halls was putting on. I was reminded of how often we confine ourselves to only thinking about here and now and beyond, often forgetting how the past has shaped us, transformed us in some manner. Too often we walk around with blank faces, preoccupied with the days thoughts, forgetting to look past the glaze and appreciate the beauty of what is, what is now.

Have you noticed the tree's changing shape, changing color, the rushing tide of rain trickling down a hill after a long storm, or that ever so common squirrel scurrying across the lawn with a nut. For once, notice those little things and appreciate them here and now, break through the glaze we so often limit ourselves to. We forget there are people just like you thousands of miles away taking a stroll down the Italian coast. How does that make you feel? Pretty small, huh?

That's how I felt when I thought about the impact 9/11 must have had on the people directly affected, it was more than smoke and debris on t.v. it was a life lost, a family member you had a bond with gone; gone in an instant of selfishness.

I know so many quotes and people tell you to "live life to the fullest," but I won't say that, what I want is for you to stop glazing over. Did you notice that the guy in the red shirt smiled at you? No, because we were to preoccupied with yourself. So from now on, lift up you head and pop the bubble you live in and just smile back!

The world is not the cruel place depicted on t.v. so often, it's a humble place, with humble people, a beautiful world waiting for it's inhabitants to open there eyes!

Mind Aloof

Abnormal Psychology: scientific study of abnormal behavior in order to describe, predict, explain, and change abnormal patterns of functioning. Abnormal psychology in clinical psychology studies the nature of psychopathology, its causes, and its treatments.

Abnormal: A person or object that is not normal; Not conforming to rule or system; deviating from the type; anomalous; irregular; Of or pertaining to behaviour that deviates from norms of social propriety or accepted standards of mental health; Odd, strange

So why study abnormal psychology? Taking this literally would make us all "abnormal" and need to be observed by a trained psychologist. I love this class, but it makes me question myself, my family, my friend's mental states. The mind wanders into crannies it's never been before searching for questions to match with the answers I've received in lecture. Psychologist general have a standarized why of determining mental "abnormalities," but maybe I find myself a bit abnormal with being classified as clinically abnomoral. I'm second quessing again...

I question myself a lot lately, wondering if there is something wrong with me to explain recent events, but friends reassure me there is nothing wrong, it's the other person. Do you wonder if they lie or it truly was the other person's wrong that lead to the outcome?

So where do I draw the line for myself that maybe I'm too outside the box and need to take myself to the clinic on campus (?); the same clinic I've done research and tutoring in. The people that know me and see me in classes. Do you have someone else draw the line at abnormal for you? What if they don't truly know you?

My mind continues to wander in crannies continuing to pull out questions, hoping to find an answer, a medium my mind is supposed to be at.

Serenity

Sometimes one just needs some positive words to get them through the tough times, for me these words are my serenity words of the week.

There will always be someone to disappoint us in life, but the amazing thing about humans is our ability to adapt, to change, and to move on; to find someone better and worth while.