and we will walk this town

You're getting sick and tired
of being bossed around and gettin' told what to do
you're uninspired
as the words that they are sayin' start to get to you



The moment I started living for today the moment I realized how much has to change. Screw graduate school, just forget it. I have years to go back. Just let me graduate.
I'm going to Thailand, I'm going on a Road Trip, I'm going to living for today, for myself. I'm so young and I have wasted too long wishing I was older that I'm to a point that I just to scream out and stopping time. I'm in the prime of my life, I should be enjoying it! I should not be in a long-distance, three year relationship. It all ends today. I'm crazy and spontaneous and it's about time that person came out. I want to go to a college party and kiss and cute guy I'm attracted to and not feel guilty. I'm not looking to go out and sleep with men, but experience them!
When I used to think of you with other women, my stomach would churn and I would feel nauseous. I don't feel that anymore! When I would think of you holding me in your arms, I would get butterflys. Those are gone too. My phone would ring and I would hope it was you, but now I rarely hold my phone close, waiting. I think of you and I still smile, you're my best friend, You know me inside and out and I want to keep you as my best friend, forever and ever. There comes a time when you have to decide if you love someone enough to let them go and be happy elsewhere. So many people say if it was meant to be that we will find our way back together and I fully believe in that. Right now, this isn't for me. I only wish you could see that.

Just along the riverbend....

I am currently planning a new trip, this past spring I took my boyfriend out to Big Bend National Park, a place a hold dear to my heart and takes up many memories of my childhood. I have yet to decide where we will go. A friend and her mate are going to spend New Years in New Orleans, but we are not that type of people and often prefer the silence and solitude of camping and hiking. I'm can't decide weather I want to take him back to Big Bend for more adventures or maybe venture up to Arkansas, that way we can take a day trip and see his grandparents in Norfork.

This semester I am working four jobs, yes four, and going to school full time. Although the stress is getting to me, the financial security feels incredible and I have finally been able to open a savings account. I am working on paying back loans to family, but with four jobs and consistent paychecks, I think this is all worth it. At least for this semester.

I am also working on graduate school application, although I am fairly certain I do not have the grades or smarts to get into anywhere. I also need to start studying up on the GRE. I have a lot of confidence for the test as I scored high on the SAT and ACT and the GRE is lots of essays and analogy. I am also toying with the idea, if I can find a grad school with spring admission, to take the fall off and travel, work and do some volunteer work.

I have been forcing myslef to slow down lately and enjoy life. I live so much in the furture that by the the time I look back the furture I had been planning has passed and I did not enjoy it.