Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket...but I've never seen one

As I tell my friends I left you the week before move in, I feel the tug of a guilty lie. You love me more than ever as our two year anni. quickly approaches. I find the words easily played out and perfectly said inside my head, but as you call me late at night or I ignore your text I freeze and unemotionally say the ritualistic words back to you. I promise I'm not wanting to have this affair and be the unfaithful one, I just can't bring myself to make the final disconnection.
I want you to know I've found someone new, the same guy I visited this summer when I told you I was just going to visit some college friends. He's close by, not as much distance as you and I have; he's not as experienced as you, but he's a good guy, you would get along with him. Just for now, I need him, not you.
I don't want to be the selfish girl, the girl who plays with two hearts at once, along with her own, but I can't let you go somehow. I see us married within five years, a beautiful home with at least two children shortly after that, both of us successful in our careers, but right now, at this stage I need the spontaneous new guy who takes me on new adventures, I need your stablity later. When we both graduate college, I need you to wait for me until then. If I leave you, you won't wait.


P.S. I've been writing blogs, but have been unable to post on the blog recently, so here are a few blogs all at once.